Safety

Safety
You don't realize the price of it.
Not until you don't have it
You don't realize how much you need it
A space that's safe
A space that's calm
A space where you can cry
Where you can scream.
Where you can be free.
From the traps that lay in hiding in daily patterns.
You don't realize how much it hurts.
When you don't have a place to run to
To feel the pain.
Because your not safe.

Strings

They strangled me with string.

It was as easy as it seems

They tied me down to people

    They tied themselves to me

I sealed the knots myself

In the dead of night they came

    Pulling as lightly as they could

The laces of their strings

Laced with bared wire

Cutting into me

They all pulled away.

My arms

My legs

My hips

My heart

They'd all been anchored somewhere

Their strings held on with hooks

Digging in my skin

When they pulled away

They became to crawl within.

Every beat that passed

my heart felt missing

Every lifted foot step

fell short a mile of it's distance

An arm that never lifted

replaced with bricks

A hip moved around to dance

felt broken and out of place.

They crawled within, and broke me down

It was only the beginning.

My walls went under fire.

With whispers of desire.

With whims dangled in the air.

With thoughts one shouldn't dare.

Effective was the strategy.

All out of place.

All out of sorts.

My eyes rolled back.

My heart on leave.

My soul broken.

One tug was all it took.

The one with the deepest hook.
I gripped it with my hands.

I grabbed it with my nails

I groveled at it's demands.

Faint strips of blood came at first.

Like a prick on my skin,

and then a bubble.

Till lines appeared, from a hook,

The one that sunk me. 

Every grovel was to much to bare.

The hook sank in deeper,

Until to pull it out, was to bleed more.
I never learned to stop.

Not even as a child.

Not as an adult.

Why should I start now?

My mouth opened,

A dagger fell from my mouth

To the hook.

I killed the hook.

But the dagger worked on me as well.

All the strings combined,

Thick as vines

Red.

Wrapped themselves around

And Around

And Around.

Till suffocation

Asphyxiation.

My dearest, is not mine.

This goes out too a missing piece of my soul. To a girl I love. I hope she knows how beautiful she is. Even if she's strange. It's what I love about her.

My Dearest,
    You are no blood kin of mine
        No blood runs threw our veins the same.        
            No family entwines us like binds
                No way are you blood.
    You are no friend of mine
        No eyes I know
            No laugh that lifts my heart
                No where in space in time
    You are a nothing
        You are locked in a screen
            Your face is never seen
                Your voice is but a dream
    Yet I hear you scream.
    Yet I know your there.
    Yet I want you to know I care.
        You are no family of mine.
        You are no friend of mine.
        You are no life laid out next to mine.
    Yet our hearts seem intertwined.
    Yet my soul cries threw your eyes.
        You are nothing to me.
        Because you are me.
            You are a skin living in my heart.
            You are an illusion I fear of madness
        Yet I embrace you.
            I wish to take you from the dark.
            I wish to hold you back from those ghost in your eyes.
            The ones hiding in your words
                The monsters crawling in your skin.
    You are no friend of mine.
        But you are mine.
I feel as if I've known you always.
    When I feel, it's like you know.
        You are my desires screaming inside my head.
            Brought into the light, by you.
    You make me feel crazy.
        You make me feel safe.
            You make me feel alive.
    There is no conclusion to this mystery.
        Because it only goes on.
    Just know...
        You maybe no blood of mine.
        You maybe no friend of mine.
            But I am here when you need me.

-end
Dearest, one can only hope when you read this. You will know who you are, to me and to the world. I feel like I day dream in this skin, but your who I'm meant to be. You speak the words I wont, and live threw my demons with me. I hope you know I love you Seren. :)