Want

The voice comes in threw the phone

A crackle with my poor reception

The words I've never heard

Never thought about

Not seriously anyway

There is a breath on the other side,

The words come back to me

Repeated from his lips,

What do you want?

My mind is blank, Empty

I have no thoughts, words, feelings for this

No thoughts of who I am or what I want

Except when looking threw others eyes

Still no reply, this is the last time

He will say it, I can tell

What do you want?

To think as myself, about myself first

The strangeness of this sensation

Bile rises to my throat, I swallow down the burning

A quickening of my hearts pace, the normal tempo sped up

I don't know

It doesn't matter is the truth I know inside

I know that's what I would like to say

Because as my heart slows down

I know that's why i don't think of that

Its a sobering though

What I want doesn't matter

They come before myself

I have no control

I feel full circle now

I know what I want

But it is slipping away

I am back to where I started

Standing with a phone pressing against my ear and shoulder

Hands pruning from the water of dishes, still left to do

I can forget those thoughts

Bit inside me somewhere I know what I want

I know about the emptiness inside me

Family, friends, happiness,m confidence, beauty, and most of all

Love

But I forget and try to be happy with what I have

If I don't think about what I want I'm happy with what I have

Lost

I just wrote this about three minutes ago. After my mom cried herself to sleep. My family is moving across the country, and it's my call. To stay here where I have lived for the past seven years, where my friends, family, and boyfriend are. Or I could go with them, to a city I've only dreamed about seeing, to a place with new people who I'd like to met, where I can watch over my little brother. It's my call.....and right now I'm Lost so here it goes ;;

I'm just so Lost in life right now.

This year I need to consentrate

I need to get my act together

I need to do this and that

I need to stop my heart

To not feel anything for a little while

Just so maybe I could breath

I don't know what to do anymore

Escape isn't an option

I can't runaway, I always return

Even when it means crying at the doorstop

I'm lost

What do I do?

Watch all my family slip away from me?

Grasp at air, while they move away

Should I run to catch up with them

Should I stay or should I go

it will hurt her if I stay

It will hurt me either way

Its a doublesided blade

But I don't know what side to impale myself on

Stay or go?