No Air.

So I started writing this a few years ago. When I had a panic attack. It was the most terrifying thing I'd ever felt before not being able to breath. So when it was finally over the first thing I did was grab a pen and some paper. This is a revised and heavily edited version of the first draft. But I finally think it's good enough to post it.

pounding, throbbing, grasping, gripping, slipping

heart racing, throbbing, beating so painfully

every beat a beat a new heart ache

every breath so empty and hurtful

like breathing in water

filling me up, but not giving me what I need

my lungs wont fill with air

someone's sitting on my lungs

pressing their weight on top of me

with every gasp they fall deeper into me

every gasp so empty of the air i need

my lungs wont fill, i want to scream but that needs air

the air i don't have.

they wont fill everything slows down

pain fills every sense around me

pain at the bright light around me

pain with the sound of gasping listening as I try to breath

the sound of air rushing out, pushed out of my lungs.

while i listen for gasps, looking for air, it's all going out

not coming in at all.

My heart races the rhythm of it beating in my head

is it faster? Slower? I'm not sure.

The lack of air I'm drowning in mid air.

The rooms spins and I fall to the floor.

I'm in so much pain, but I can't figure out a way to heal.

I can't breath, but I can't stop trying.

Every defeat mocking me with pain.

The burning starts, the fire needs air to grow inside of me though.

It's looking for the air, and so am I.

Close my eyes, close my lips, there is no more trying to breath.

Only acceptance.

Until I can't hold it anymore, one more gasp of air.

Ice fills me now, extinguishing the fire inside.

Air fills me and smothers the pain.

Air. Breath.

I am free.